What is your Responsibility?
The initial Steps for Recovering
There are a good number of couples which during the healing sessions of infidelity, the “cheated” one takes the role of victim. I do not encourage or approve infidelity, but problems in marriage, of any kind, are a shared responsibility.
Regardless if your marriage will be saved or not, your personal healing is very important either to continue your marriage or to have a new life without repeating the same mistakes.
To achieve successfully any of these two alternatives later, you need to take full responsibility of your role in the infidelity.
This could seem a bit odd, but a truthful assessment of your role in your marriage or relationship could give you great insights of your performance and the mistakes you did.
This approach require and incredible amount of courage and most of the time professional help will be needed because we won’t be able to view any flaw in our performance after suffering such infamous offense like infidelity and when receiving such help, we will need to be honest with the therapist about our role in our marriage.
Why healing from infidelity is important?
As I have said in some other articles, the solution you decide to give to the cheating problem will be fine as long as you are fine and happy, but you should never continue with anger in your life as you will be wasting the most valuable asset you have in life… time. I have seen so many people divorce from someone and then commit the same mistakes over and over again and keep divorcing from everyone. To continue with your life successfully, either to start over or continue with your marriage, you need to heal inside.
The thin line of responsibility
There is a great danger when trying to take full responsibility of your role in the marriage and this comes from the fact that you are dealing with a “cheater”, and take this all the way, if he cheated on you with marriage, he could try to cheat you in every way, he have learned to lie to you, so this could be easy to do again
Usually, the person who cheats try to look for excuses on his behavior and usually try to blame his couple for his infamous acts. Don’t fall into his game. Don’t take any blame of this kind; this would be even worse than not accepting your own faults.
Let him or her know that you won’t take guilt for any of his excuses and that letting you appear as the reason for cheating won’t excuse his actions.
At the end, to distinguish the thin line of responsibility when dealing with an affair and to really grow in your relationships, the best advice you can receive is: “be honest with yourself”. Follow this and you will have the answers.